Aenema

I write to Ferret, or even speak to him, when I'm alone or at least alone in my thoughts. So in government today I wrote a treatise of some sort to explain my recent decisions.
I am dating Ferret now by the way, to keep ya'll updated. Yes, I know I went up there as just a close friend, but things worked out for us in an unexpected but not unpleasant way.



So I think I have decided to drop out. Not because things are too ahrd, or because I'm scared, or because I'm lazy. You know these arent' true at all. You know me.

I want to drop out because I feel I've learned what I've needed to learn. About myself, computers, writing, research...
I'm not making some random or sudden decision. It's no spontaneous Russian roulette. I always used to play with the idea of becoming a simple nurse and living in my own happy little apartment with Cocoa ever since I got a taste of that for a week in the summer at Dad's last year.
I want to be comfortable with money, but I dont' need a large house or a fancy car. I'd like money for hobbies and good, healthy food, and travel. Sure if I stayed here and worked I'd make 4.5k (then some more if I stayed at g'tech) and have my school paid for, but if I moved there I'd have to depend on you for room and board while I paid for my schooling (after I got a job and established myself), which would be about 4.5k, but 4.5k is what I'd pay for loans anyway if I stuck with my original plan of taking physics in the summer and getting a nicer car, so I was already prepared for that.

In the big picture anyway, after I finish my schooling there, 1/0th of my income isn't that much, assuming I made 40-45k when I was licensed.
Before then though, if I were only PCT and worked full time at 10.35 (average), I'd make 16k/year after taxes (assuming taxes are 18% like they are here). If you worked at 19.50 for 35 hours/week, assuming the same taxes, you'd have 26k/year. Together we'd have about 42k, so if I never went further we'd have plenty of money to live on.

If we rented out at Dallas and Chong's while I was in school for a year, that'd save us some money, especially if Mom could pay for my auto/health insurance until I had a proper full time job. I'd make more money after a year and a half for the schooling, maybe two years depending on when I start. I'd make about 40k+ starting out, so together we'd have 66(.6 :P )k between us each year.

I know Mom will claim I still can't trust you, and she'll throw a fit that we did end up dating, but honestly neither of us lied to our parents in the first place. We never promised nothing would happen. She'll also ask me to think about what I would do if anything happened to you, so, romantic notions aside, I figure logically, assuming you don't die defending me, you'd die whether I was there or not, whether it was by a freak car accident or an incident at work. So given that, I'd rather spend the yaers you (and by reflexive property me) have left with you. If you are "destined" to die in whatever many years, I'd rather spend them with you than be here lonely and mindlessly studying.

I do love learning and studying though. If I stayed with you and worked I'd have time to study what I want, what I feel I need to know, not what some beauracrat in his high office feels I need to know. Education for education's sake. Isn't that what the original purpose of college was anyway?

I mean, if we return to the meaning of life, barring any deliciously horrid British comedy or sexual innuendos, how I imagine my life is as a medic who works the 2nd or 3rd shift, has no children, travels sometimes, enjoys her hobbies like reading, writing, crafting, studying, and of course video games, who has three piercings in her ears and a tattoo on her left arm as well as small wings on her back, who works and lives among her own people instead of pretending to fit in with the 'high class' people in some ivory tower.

Sure, I may look back on this decision and regret it, deciding that I totally should've taken the free education to persue some career in, for any random idea, communications. But I only have the information given to me right now, which are these feelings and thoughts I have which were always in the back of my mind and what I imagined in my heart. What I wrote about in my stories and what I dreamt at night. I used to not voice them because everyone pushed me for 'more', because I was 'too bright' for anything less. As if this decision means I'm settling for less. They can voice their opinions, but they can't make me do anything. They don't have to live in my head, in my dreams and nightmares. They don't wake up with me every day.

I realize what Eli did now. I wish I had understood more then, but I understand perfectly now. I'd rather take risks for happiness than be content, stable, and miserable. If I wanted that I'd just go to prison. Three square meals a day, TV, exercise, and free medical care.
So far everyone I've told has understood and has given me their support, even those who would lose me, such as Wes. I hope Mom is the same. Dad I'm not counting on so much, as he still hasn't called me back since I left him that message the Saturday I landed.