So you know that I can handle pain pretty well. Burns, even. You now how much heat loves me.
But these steam burns on my fingers? I'd like to say they're the most painful ever and I'm pretty sure I have, but they certainly aren't a 10 on a pain scale.
Which I don't get how anyone could be a 10 on a pain scale. If you're a 10, you're in so much pain that you absolutely cannot fathom the pain being any worse, and cannot communicate in any way how painful it is. I.E, you're screaming, assuming you haven't mercifully passed out.
So, these steam burns. They hurt. They REALLY, really hurt. But they could be worse-they could be spread over my body. The pain could've stayed as strong as it was, instead of lingering for that once missed key stroke. But even though it really did hurt, and I really was in pain, it wasn't a 10.
So to all those people out there who can *say* that their pain is a 10, you are liars.
Just like people who can *say* they can't breathe. I mean, I know it is easier to say you can't breathe when you really mean it's hard to breathe, but try to be logical here. How are you making noises if there's no airflow over your voice box?
But back to the pain. No one can say they're a 10.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
You know
I really think I should start updating this more often.
First thought? I want to go back and visit my hometown, Pella. I really do.
It'd be a 12 hour drive with rest stops, and you* and I could probably make it in one day then crash, but the question is when? We* need to save up for school and emergencies and house and...
Besides, we* really don't have the money for vacations and it's not like I'm driven insane by this urge. I'd just really like to.
Sometimes I get it in my head that it'd be nice to move back there. To go work at the giant beige hospital as an ER nurse or even as a general admittance nurse giving shots and taking vitals. Go find my old house and fix it back up-it'd be around $150k now, the market is pretty good. Get a swim membership at the old pool and bike to the grocery store with the philosophy that if it didn't fit in the backpack, it wasn't worth taking. Maybe even attend service at St. Mary's just for the hell of it. See if that singer is still there.
But it'd be harder for you to find a job. Not much security work around there, and definitely no throwing mail. Not to mention it's a highly religious town that has this anti-Outsider undertone. I was happy when I was wandering around on my own, doing my own thing. When I decided I wanted to be social, they accepted me. Then again, I was also a cute adorable little girl with an open and honest heart, and it'd be rather cruel to turn me away. Even if I did ring your doorbell everyday trying to sell wildflower bunches.
I know that I more than likely like the idea of Pella, and what it meant to me.
I'm torn between the feelings of isolation and rejection I had at school and especially on those lonely winter nights when I built igloos outside by myself. The main reason though, and this won't make sense until you see it, is that the sky is so expansive. It's an abyss of clear crystallized blue. It's beautiful, but cold.
But I also remember the feelings of comfort there. I was able to move about freely, to explore, to experiment. I wasn't scared of the surrounding neighborhood like I was in kindergarten or sixth grade, and I wasn't confined (mostly because I didn't care) like I was in middle school and high school. I had contacts. I knew the town. I'm quite sure that if I was suddenly orphaned I would have lived fine in that town-I knew how to make money, how to get food, where to sleep, how to make clothes and blankets and shelter. I knew how to travel, the shortcuts...
I've never felt that connected to a town sense. The people in most towns I've never really felt connected to, but the town itself? No wonder it shows up in my dreams.
I'm rambling now, but simply said, I do want to go back. Someday.
*you know who you are, and I love you.
First thought? I want to go back and visit my hometown, Pella. I really do.
It'd be a 12 hour drive with rest stops, and you* and I could probably make it in one day then crash, but the question is when? We* need to save up for school and emergencies and house and...
Besides, we* really don't have the money for vacations and it's not like I'm driven insane by this urge. I'd just really like to.
Sometimes I get it in my head that it'd be nice to move back there. To go work at the giant beige hospital as an ER nurse or even as a general admittance nurse giving shots and taking vitals. Go find my old house and fix it back up-it'd be around $150k now, the market is pretty good. Get a swim membership at the old pool and bike to the grocery store with the philosophy that if it didn't fit in the backpack, it wasn't worth taking. Maybe even attend service at St. Mary's just for the hell of it. See if that singer is still there.
But it'd be harder for you to find a job. Not much security work around there, and definitely no throwing mail. Not to mention it's a highly religious town that has this anti-Outsider undertone. I was happy when I was wandering around on my own, doing my own thing. When I decided I wanted to be social, they accepted me. Then again, I was also a cute adorable little girl with an open and honest heart, and it'd be rather cruel to turn me away. Even if I did ring your doorbell everyday trying to sell wildflower bunches.
I know that I more than likely like the idea of Pella, and what it meant to me.
I'm torn between the feelings of isolation and rejection I had at school and especially on those lonely winter nights when I built igloos outside by myself. The main reason though, and this won't make sense until you see it, is that the sky is so expansive. It's an abyss of clear crystallized blue. It's beautiful, but cold.
But I also remember the feelings of comfort there. I was able to move about freely, to explore, to experiment. I wasn't scared of the surrounding neighborhood like I was in kindergarten or sixth grade, and I wasn't confined (mostly because I didn't care) like I was in middle school and high school. I had contacts. I knew the town. I'm quite sure that if I was suddenly orphaned I would have lived fine in that town-I knew how to make money, how to get food, where to sleep, how to make clothes and blankets and shelter. I knew how to travel, the shortcuts...
I've never felt that connected to a town sense. The people in most towns I've never really felt connected to, but the town itself? No wonder it shows up in my dreams.
I'm rambling now, but simply said, I do want to go back. Someday.
*you know who you are, and I love you.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Aenema
I write to Ferret, or even speak to him, when I'm alone or at least alone in my thoughts. So in government today I wrote a treatise of some sort to explain my recent decisions.
I am dating Ferret now by the way, to keep ya'll updated. Yes, I know I went up there as just a close friend, but things worked out for us in an unexpected but not unpleasant way.
So I think I have decided to drop out. Not because things are too ahrd, or because I'm scared, or because I'm lazy. You know these arent' true at all. You know me.
I want to drop out because I feel I've learned what I've needed to learn. About myself, computers, writing, research...
I'm not making some random or sudden decision. It's no spontaneous Russian roulette. I always used to play with the idea of becoming a simple nurse and living in my own happy little apartment with Cocoa ever since I got a taste of that for a week in the summer at Dad's last year.
I want to be comfortable with money, but I dont' need a large house or a fancy car. I'd like money for hobbies and good, healthy food, and travel. Sure if I stayed here and worked I'd make 4.5k (then some more if I stayed at g'tech) and have my school paid for, but if I moved there I'd have to depend on you for room and board while I paid for my schooling (after I got a job and established myself), which would be about 4.5k, but 4.5k is what I'd pay for loans anyway if I stuck with my original plan of taking physics in the summer and getting a nicer car, so I was already prepared for that.
In the big picture anyway, after I finish my schooling there, 1/0th of my income isn't that much, assuming I made 40-45k when I was licensed.
Before then though, if I were only PCT and worked full time at 10.35 (average), I'd make 16k/year after taxes (assuming taxes are 18% like they are here). If you worked at 19.50 for 35 hours/week, assuming the same taxes, you'd have 26k/year. Together we'd have about 42k, so if I never went further we'd have plenty of money to live on.
If we rented out at Dallas and Chong's while I was in school for a year, that'd save us some money, especially if Mom could pay for my auto/health insurance until I had a proper full time job. I'd make more money after a year and a half for the schooling, maybe two years depending on when I start. I'd make about 40k+ starting out, so together we'd have 66(.6 :P )k between us each year.
I know Mom will claim I still can't trust you, and she'll throw a fit that we did end up dating, but honestly neither of us lied to our parents in the first place. We never promised nothing would happen. She'll also ask me to think about what I would do if anything happened to you, so, romantic notions aside, I figure logically, assuming you don't die defending me, you'd die whether I was there or not, whether it was by a freak car accident or an incident at work. So given that, I'd rather spend the yaers you (and by reflexive property me) have left with you. If you are "destined" to die in whatever many years, I'd rather spend them with you than be here lonely and mindlessly studying.
I do love learning and studying though. If I stayed with you and worked I'd have time to study what I want, what I feel I need to know, not what some beauracrat in his high office feels I need to know. Education for education's sake. Isn't that what the original purpose of college was anyway?
I mean, if we return to the meaning of life, barring any deliciously horrid British comedy or sexual innuendos, how I imagine my life is as a medic who works the 2nd or 3rd shift, has no children, travels sometimes, enjoys her hobbies like reading, writing, crafting, studying, and of course video games, who has three piercings in her ears and a tattoo on her left arm as well as small wings on her back, who works and lives among her own people instead of pretending to fit in with the 'high class' people in some ivory tower.
Sure, I may look back on this decision and regret it, deciding that I totally should've taken the free education to persue some career in, for any random idea, communications. But I only have the information given to me right now, which are these feelings and thoughts I have which were always in the back of my mind and what I imagined in my heart. What I wrote about in my stories and what I dreamt at night. I used to not voice them because everyone pushed me for 'more', because I was 'too bright' for anything less. As if this decision means I'm settling for less. They can voice their opinions, but they can't make me do anything. They don't have to live in my head, in my dreams and nightmares. They don't wake up with me every day.
I realize what Eli did now. I wish I had understood more then, but I understand perfectly now. I'd rather take risks for happiness than be content, stable, and miserable. If I wanted that I'd just go to prison. Three square meals a day, TV, exercise, and free medical care.
So far everyone I've told has understood and has given me their support, even those who would lose me, such as Wes. I hope Mom is the same. Dad I'm not counting on so much, as he still hasn't called me back since I left him that message the Saturday I landed.
I am dating Ferret now by the way, to keep ya'll updated. Yes, I know I went up there as just a close friend, but things worked out for us in an unexpected but not unpleasant way.
So I think I have decided to drop out. Not because things are too ahrd, or because I'm scared, or because I'm lazy. You know these arent' true at all. You know me.
I want to drop out because I feel I've learned what I've needed to learn. About myself, computers, writing, research...
I'm not making some random or sudden decision. It's no spontaneous Russian roulette. I always used to play with the idea of becoming a simple nurse and living in my own happy little apartment with Cocoa ever since I got a taste of that for a week in the summer at Dad's last year.
I want to be comfortable with money, but I dont' need a large house or a fancy car. I'd like money for hobbies and good, healthy food, and travel. Sure if I stayed here and worked I'd make 4.5k (then some more if I stayed at g'tech) and have my school paid for, but if I moved there I'd have to depend on you for room and board while I paid for my schooling (after I got a job and established myself), which would be about 4.5k, but 4.5k is what I'd pay for loans anyway if I stuck with my original plan of taking physics in the summer and getting a nicer car, so I was already prepared for that.
In the big picture anyway, after I finish my schooling there, 1/0th of my income isn't that much, assuming I made 40-45k when I was licensed.
Before then though, if I were only PCT and worked full time at 10.35 (average), I'd make 16k/year after taxes (assuming taxes are 18% like they are here). If you worked at 19.50 for 35 hours/week, assuming the same taxes, you'd have 26k/year. Together we'd have about 42k, so if I never went further we'd have plenty of money to live on.
If we rented out at Dallas and Chong's while I was in school for a year, that'd save us some money, especially if Mom could pay for my auto/health insurance until I had a proper full time job. I'd make more money after a year and a half for the schooling, maybe two years depending on when I start. I'd make about 40k+ starting out, so together we'd have 66(.6 :P )k between us each year.
I know Mom will claim I still can't trust you, and she'll throw a fit that we did end up dating, but honestly neither of us lied to our parents in the first place. We never promised nothing would happen. She'll also ask me to think about what I would do if anything happened to you, so, romantic notions aside, I figure logically, assuming you don't die defending me, you'd die whether I was there or not, whether it was by a freak car accident or an incident at work. So given that, I'd rather spend the yaers you (and by reflexive property me) have left with you. If you are "destined" to die in whatever many years, I'd rather spend them with you than be here lonely and mindlessly studying.
I do love learning and studying though. If I stayed with you and worked I'd have time to study what I want, what I feel I need to know, not what some beauracrat in his high office feels I need to know. Education for education's sake. Isn't that what the original purpose of college was anyway?
I mean, if we return to the meaning of life, barring any deliciously horrid British comedy or sexual innuendos, how I imagine my life is as a medic who works the 2nd or 3rd shift, has no children, travels sometimes, enjoys her hobbies like reading, writing, crafting, studying, and of course video games, who has three piercings in her ears and a tattoo on her left arm as well as small wings on her back, who works and lives among her own people instead of pretending to fit in with the 'high class' people in some ivory tower.
Sure, I may look back on this decision and regret it, deciding that I totally should've taken the free education to persue some career in, for any random idea, communications. But I only have the information given to me right now, which are these feelings and thoughts I have which were always in the back of my mind and what I imagined in my heart. What I wrote about in my stories and what I dreamt at night. I used to not voice them because everyone pushed me for 'more', because I was 'too bright' for anything less. As if this decision means I'm settling for less. They can voice their opinions, but they can't make me do anything. They don't have to live in my head, in my dreams and nightmares. They don't wake up with me every day.
I realize what Eli did now. I wish I had understood more then, but I understand perfectly now. I'd rather take risks for happiness than be content, stable, and miserable. If I wanted that I'd just go to prison. Three square meals a day, TV, exercise, and free medical care.
So far everyone I've told has understood and has given me their support, even those who would lose me, such as Wes. I hope Mom is the same. Dad I'm not counting on so much, as he still hasn't called me back since I left him that message the Saturday I landed.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Spring Break
Day 1 (Saturday)-
Woke up at 5:30 am. Had a dream that Dr. House needed some arm candy and an intelligent research assistant, so Dr. Cuddy recommended me. House ruffled my hair and inspected me, and concluded with a grin that I'd do. Made the little fangirl medgeek in me giggle estatically.
I had printed off my boarding pass the day before, so when I got in all I had to do was go through security with my carry on and 'personal item' (backpack) and go to my gate. I was so happy everything went smoothly.
The flight was good. Sometimes I swore the pilot was drunk with how much turbulence we faced, but being at millionty feet with those winds will do that. The flight staff were nice. Got me some cranberry juice and some cookies. I felt spoiled.
The old couple next to me were a whiny bunch, complaining that they couldn't hear the movie after they declined the headphones.
I landed to beautiful Colorado weather at Concourse C all the way at the end of the airport. I cleaned up and walked to the train after calling Mom to let her know I landed alright. I called Dad and left him a message but he hasn't spoken to me since. Took the train to the baggage claim, where I got to the front of the airport and had to sit down to breathe, the air was so shallow.
Ferret picked me up and we went home to Momma Ferret's house, where they set me up in one of the extra rooms. After a nice lunch we got stir crazy so we went out to see the town. Stopped by Tattered Cover book store, where I got so winded I had to sit down and think "I like this floor. This is a really nice floor." Then we went to a record shop and then the Army/Navy store where I vowed to get all my jackets from. I got an adorable black beret that according to my Mom looks really good on me.
Played some Army of Two, eventually went to bed after getting addicted to WoW. I got a blood elf priest and an undead mage.
FOR THE HORDE!~
Day 2-Mostly stayed home today to acclimate. Don't think we did much else. Lots of games, movies, etc.
Day 3-Went out to the medical school today, then the museum of natural sciences, then the zoo.
Medical school had a lot of good advice, large campus, though I'm honestly scared shitless.
Museum was awesome! Got to see the gem exhibit, mummies, dinosaurs, wildlife, then they even had this health exhibit where you got a "life card" and got to check all your vitals to see how healthy you are. So cool.
Zoo was a lot bigger than the one back home. They had a tropical area, a bird area, a primate area, and peacocks that ran around free.
Afterwards we met Momma Ferret and the rest of the family and friends at Casa Bonita, which was just so cool. Ever see South Park and how excited Cartman was? About the cave and the cliff divers and mariachi's? Yeah, it's kinda like that. The atmosphere is great. They had these pastry desserts that you covered in honey; so good. They had an arcade where I explored my love of racing games and shooting games. Exciting.
Day 4- Momma Ferret took us to Rocky Mountain national park where we got to see the mountains. Huge. Beautiful. Cold. Clean.
I love them. Ferret and I climbed up these rocks near a river and just got a good view there. The water wasn't so great-kinda had giardia in it. Yay parasitic protozoans!
Thankfully we didn't have to drink the water, Momma Ferret brought cheese (the good stuff!) and crackers for us. yay 8000+ feet!
I was so surprised I acclimated so quickly. I wasn't winded at all.
Got tons of pictures though. We stopped by Noodles and Company and got some good food, went home and just watched movies.
Day 5-Today? Got haircut + shooting range.
I love gun. I looooove gun. .45 handgun was the one I did best with (I could get all 10 shots into a 3 diameter circle after a few practice shots. and once I stopped flinching and wimping out and just breathed), though I did pretty good with the .9mm too. Itty bitty gun, so cute. My favorite was the Sig Sauer .40, Ferret's gun. No, not just 'cause it was Ferret's gun, but because it presented a challenge to master. Huge recoil. Hurt my wrist. I had so much fun though. I know that I never want to make a profession of shooting people or getting shot at, but I appreciate the challenge of this new skill and the further protection knowing how to load, unload, clean, and handle a gun will help me.
Haircut is exactly like Rebecca Chambers from Resident Evil Zero. So cute.
So, short synopsis of a totally awesome week so far. Tomorrow we're going to Garden of the Gods and to hang out with his friends to play video games, then Friday I'll probably be mourning me leaving.
I really want to stay, or at least steal Ferret with me.
Woke up at 5:30 am. Had a dream that Dr. House needed some arm candy and an intelligent research assistant, so Dr. Cuddy recommended me. House ruffled my hair and inspected me, and concluded with a grin that I'd do. Made the little fangirl medgeek in me giggle estatically.
I had printed off my boarding pass the day before, so when I got in all I had to do was go through security with my carry on and 'personal item' (backpack) and go to my gate. I was so happy everything went smoothly.
The flight was good. Sometimes I swore the pilot was drunk with how much turbulence we faced, but being at millionty feet with those winds will do that. The flight staff were nice. Got me some cranberry juice and some cookies. I felt spoiled.
The old couple next to me were a whiny bunch, complaining that they couldn't hear the movie after they declined the headphones.
I landed to beautiful Colorado weather at Concourse C all the way at the end of the airport. I cleaned up and walked to the train after calling Mom to let her know I landed alright. I called Dad and left him a message but he hasn't spoken to me since. Took the train to the baggage claim, where I got to the front of the airport and had to sit down to breathe, the air was so shallow.
Ferret picked me up and we went home to Momma Ferret's house, where they set me up in one of the extra rooms. After a nice lunch we got stir crazy so we went out to see the town. Stopped by Tattered Cover book store, where I got so winded I had to sit down and think "I like this floor. This is a really nice floor." Then we went to a record shop and then the Army/Navy store where I vowed to get all my jackets from. I got an adorable black beret that according to my Mom looks really good on me.
Played some Army of Two, eventually went to bed after getting addicted to WoW. I got a blood elf priest and an undead mage.
FOR THE HORDE!~
Day 2-Mostly stayed home today to acclimate. Don't think we did much else. Lots of games, movies, etc.
Day 3-Went out to the medical school today, then the museum of natural sciences, then the zoo.
Medical school had a lot of good advice, large campus, though I'm honestly scared shitless.
Museum was awesome! Got to see the gem exhibit, mummies, dinosaurs, wildlife, then they even had this health exhibit where you got a "life card" and got to check all your vitals to see how healthy you are. So cool.
Zoo was a lot bigger than the one back home. They had a tropical area, a bird area, a primate area, and peacocks that ran around free.
Afterwards we met Momma Ferret and the rest of the family and friends at Casa Bonita, which was just so cool. Ever see South Park and how excited Cartman was? About the cave and the cliff divers and mariachi's? Yeah, it's kinda like that. The atmosphere is great. They had these pastry desserts that you covered in honey; so good. They had an arcade where I explored my love of racing games and shooting games. Exciting.
Day 4- Momma Ferret took us to Rocky Mountain national park where we got to see the mountains. Huge. Beautiful. Cold. Clean.
I love them. Ferret and I climbed up these rocks near a river and just got a good view there. The water wasn't so great-kinda had giardia in it. Yay parasitic protozoans!
Thankfully we didn't have to drink the water, Momma Ferret brought cheese (the good stuff!) and crackers for us. yay 8000+ feet!
I was so surprised I acclimated so quickly. I wasn't winded at all.
Got tons of pictures though. We stopped by Noodles and Company and got some good food, went home and just watched movies.
Day 5-Today? Got haircut + shooting range.
I love gun. I looooove gun. .45 handgun was the one I did best with (I could get all 10 shots into a 3 diameter circle after a few practice shots. and once I stopped flinching and wimping out and just breathed), though I did pretty good with the .9mm too. Itty bitty gun, so cute. My favorite was the Sig Sauer .40, Ferret's gun. No, not just 'cause it was Ferret's gun, but because it presented a challenge to master. Huge recoil. Hurt my wrist. I had so much fun though. I know that I never want to make a profession of shooting people or getting shot at, but I appreciate the challenge of this new skill and the further protection knowing how to load, unload, clean, and handle a gun will help me.
Haircut is exactly like Rebecca Chambers from Resident Evil Zero. So cute.
So, short synopsis of a totally awesome week so far. Tomorrow we're going to Garden of the Gods and to hang out with his friends to play video games, then Friday I'll probably be mourning me leaving.
I really want to stay, or at least steal Ferret with me.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Bad ASCII
Today was a wonderful day.
I slept perfectly, and even though I had to limp up to computer class, my teacher is awesome enough to let me be late and re-tape my toe in the mail room to keep it sterile.
We got out early and the teacher postponed the test because even he hates the program, so I got some breakfast, then went to biology which was uneventful except that I'm never having ice cubes in my drinks in Mexico.
Didn't do so well I think on my government test, but oh well, it happens.
Checked on my microbiology lab but there wasn't any quantifiable data yet, so I'll do that tomorrow.
There was a spring break "carnival" (by that I mean a lot of booths) at 11 so I went there and got a free chik-fii-a sandwich and a stuffed Dino for E. x3
Met up with W and sat outside in the absolutely gorgeous weather listening to a horrid cover band until he had to go to class and I had to finish (I mean start) my English paper.
Went to English, and we had a guest lecturer come in for evaluation to see if she'd be a good fit to work here. Dr. English told us to be good, enthusiastic smart students ("be ourselves" he said x3).
Dr. Lecture gave us a Phyllis Wheatly poem to evaluate and apparent my answer was really good.
At the end, Dr. English asked us what we thought of her and then said he was so proud of us, he couldn't have asked for us to do any better, we were the best class he's had to do that. Then he referred to a quote where this one Alex climber guy was praised as "Yeah, don't go hiking with Alex, that's cheating" in reference to just how good he was.
He then said "So we have Lizz, which is cheating..." and I just turned bright red. To my surprise though my classmates just smiled and nodded, since they knew I always helped people with their papers and people would ask me for help and I'd nicely explain it to them, whereas in high school it'd be "oh what a bitch. she's not that smart".
Afterwards I went to go meet my friend M in the HPAC (where the english offices happen to be) and Dr. English caught up with me. He reminded me of a nervous school boy as he never did really look directly at me, but he stopped me and said something to the effect of,
"Yeah, it's really refreshing to be shown up by a first year student in my own field that I have a Ph.D in, and I like to think that I'm smarter than you, but sometimes you make me wonder..."
And then he bounded up the stairs as if he wanted to get away from me really fast.
I was blushing too hard I couldn't speak, but I'm happy. x3
I slept perfectly, and even though I had to limp up to computer class, my teacher is awesome enough to let me be late and re-tape my toe in the mail room to keep it sterile.
We got out early and the teacher postponed the test because even he hates the program, so I got some breakfast, then went to biology which was uneventful except that I'm never having ice cubes in my drinks in Mexico.
Didn't do so well I think on my government test, but oh well, it happens.
Checked on my microbiology lab but there wasn't any quantifiable data yet, so I'll do that tomorrow.
There was a spring break "carnival" (by that I mean a lot of booths) at 11 so I went there and got a free chik-fii-a sandwich and a stuffed Dino for E. x3
Met up with W and sat outside in the absolutely gorgeous weather listening to a horrid cover band until he had to go to class and I had to finish (I mean start) my English paper.
Went to English, and we had a guest lecturer come in for evaluation to see if she'd be a good fit to work here. Dr. English told us to be good, enthusiastic smart students ("be ourselves" he said x3).
Dr. Lecture gave us a Phyllis Wheatly poem to evaluate and apparent my answer was really good.
At the end, Dr. English asked us what we thought of her and then said he was so proud of us, he couldn't have asked for us to do any better, we were the best class he's had to do that. Then he referred to a quote where this one Alex climber guy was praised as "Yeah, don't go hiking with Alex, that's cheating" in reference to just how good he was.
He then said "So we have Lizz, which is cheating..." and I just turned bright red. To my surprise though my classmates just smiled and nodded, since they knew I always helped people with their papers and people would ask me for help and I'd nicely explain it to them, whereas in high school it'd be "oh what a bitch. she's not that smart".
Afterwards I went to go meet my friend M in the HPAC (where the english offices happen to be) and Dr. English caught up with me. He reminded me of a nervous school boy as he never did really look directly at me, but he stopped me and said something to the effect of,
"Yeah, it's really refreshing to be shown up by a first year student in my own field that I have a Ph.D in, and I like to think that I'm smarter than you, but sometimes you make me wonder..."
And then he bounded up the stairs as if he wanted to get away from me really fast.
I was blushing too hard I couldn't speak, but I'm happy. x3
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
So I got an infected toenail and had to dig it out to cut it out. Following discussion with my roommate ensued.
"I can't believe you did that to your toe! How can you cut it out like that?"
"It's not like I used my scalpel or anything..."
"I don't know, you seem to like that scalpel"
"I love my scalpel"
"Um...? I sleep next to you..."
"Bah, I only dissect things that are dead!"
*other roommate chimes in that I'd kill her first, then dissect her*
"Oh you better not!"
"x3"
*later*
"I feel like I need a good cry...like, I just gotta cry."
"....I could get my scalpel? "
"I can't believe you did that to your toe! How can you cut it out like that?"
"It's not like I used my scalpel or anything..."
"I don't know, you seem to like that scalpel"
"I love my scalpel"
"Um...? I sleep next to you..."
"Bah, I only dissect things that are dead!"
*other roommate chimes in that I'd kill her first, then dissect her*
"Oh you better not!"
"x3"
*later*
"I feel like I need a good cry...like, I just gotta cry."
"....I could get my scalpel? "
Long time no see
So its been much too long since I updated.
I'll make this brief.
*Don't have to pay taxes
*Going to visit Ferret-head up in CO for spring break
*Got the lab assistant position with Dr. Microbiology
*Got trained as cashier at work. Loved it.
*Nightmares have ceased
I'll make this brief.
*Don't have to pay taxes
*Going to visit Ferret-head up in CO for spring break
*Got the lab assistant position with Dr. Microbiology
*Got trained as cashier at work. Loved it.
*Nightmares have ceased
Saturday, February 23, 2008
That'll be twee fifteh.
I hate the fact that scholarships are considered taxable income.
Srsly, for reals, and all that.
See, I got about 7300 in scholarship credit according to my form. The expense calculated was about 7990.
I originally, with my money made from work, got $100 in credit. But because I have to claim my scholarships as income, which they wanted 350 for taxes on, I owe the government 250.
If Mom doesn't claim me as a dependant and I claim myself, then I don't have to pay the scholarship taxes and I get to keep my refund.
If Mom does claim me as a dependant and doesn't claim the expenses, then she doens't get any money, and I have to pay.
If Mom does claim me as a dependant and claims the expenses, I have to pay stilll, but shes looking to get over 1000 back.
Despite the fact that I paid for school,not her, she gets the refund and I get to pay the taxes.
Now, because I have to pay, basically, I shouldn't be remaining exempt for 2008, because I do have some tax liability, but you know what, screw it, they let me put in for it and I had to put the form in before I even knew if I was liable or not.
I'm hoping she does that and reimburses me at least the 350, if not go halvsies with me so I don't have to live paycheck to paycheck over the summer to pay off the loan for my car/summer courses. $300+/month? On a bagger's salary, making maybe $100/week working weekends....
I need at least two weeks off in May and one in July, so that only leaves me, if there's 4 weeks per month, 9 weeks to work. $900 in 3 months, after using up all my savings. I'll have to pick up shifts at work somehow after school, and get Dad to loan me money for gas to go to school.
It'll be hard, and I'm going to hate it, but its something I need to do.
On a related note, GOD DAMN GOVERNMENT TAKING THE MONEY THEY GIVE ME.
I SWEAR, is that not the definition of extortion? Giving someone money then demanding money back from them on it?
The scholarships ARE my income. They aren't supposed to be a loan, but because they're 'income', I have to pay taxes on them. Give them money back for the privledge of using their money.
So essentially they wanted me to give them their money back for the privledge of using the money they gave me in the first place. But because I kinda spent it to pay them, the state, they want MORE.
Loan sharking much?
So now I have to find a way to get more money to pay them AGAIN for the money they gave me in the first place.
And my mother gets a nice check for me paying for my own schooling.
Srsly, for reals, and all that.
See, I got about 7300 in scholarship credit according to my form. The expense calculated was about 7990.
I originally, with my money made from work, got $100 in credit. But because I have to claim my scholarships as income, which they wanted 350 for taxes on, I owe the government 250.
If Mom doesn't claim me as a dependant and I claim myself, then I don't have to pay the scholarship taxes and I get to keep my refund.
If Mom does claim me as a dependant and doesn't claim the expenses, then she doens't get any money, and I have to pay.
If Mom does claim me as a dependant and claims the expenses, I have to pay stilll, but shes looking to get over 1000 back.
Despite the fact that I paid for school,not her, she gets the refund and I get to pay the taxes.
Now, because I have to pay, basically, I shouldn't be remaining exempt for 2008, because I do have some tax liability, but you know what, screw it, they let me put in for it and I had to put the form in before I even knew if I was liable or not.
I'm hoping she does that and reimburses me at least the 350, if not go halvsies with me so I don't have to live paycheck to paycheck over the summer to pay off the loan for my car/summer courses. $300+/month? On a bagger's salary, making maybe $100/week working weekends....
I need at least two weeks off in May and one in July, so that only leaves me, if there's 4 weeks per month, 9 weeks to work. $900 in 3 months, after using up all my savings. I'll have to pick up shifts at work somehow after school, and get Dad to loan me money for gas to go to school.
It'll be hard, and I'm going to hate it, but its something I need to do.
On a related note, GOD DAMN GOVERNMENT TAKING THE MONEY THEY GIVE ME.
I SWEAR, is that not the definition of extortion? Giving someone money then demanding money back from them on it?
The scholarships ARE my income. They aren't supposed to be a loan, but because they're 'income', I have to pay taxes on them. Give them money back for the privledge of using their money.
So essentially they wanted me to give them their money back for the privledge of using the money they gave me in the first place. But because I kinda spent it to pay them, the state, they want MORE.
Loan sharking much?
So now I have to find a way to get more money to pay them AGAIN for the money they gave me in the first place.
And my mother gets a nice check for me paying for my own schooling.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Love Psalm
So it is official then that I win at life.
Or maybe not so much life but at least my current academic world.
Despite being grossly underslept, I still somehow managed to get a 93 on my Microbiology test (highest grade a 94), an 87 on my Zoology test (highest grade was a 95.5, next highest were 82 and 81), get a 95 on my American Government test, and write a perfect paper for Dr. English, who is notorious for only giving out maybe one or two perfect scores the whole semester.
And it isn't so much the fact that I "didn't do good enough" by not having the highest grades, but more so I have a challenger to my "win" status that keeps me on my academic toes and pushing harder and harder.
Or maybe not so much life but at least my current academic world.
Despite being grossly underslept, I still somehow managed to get a 93 on my Microbiology test (highest grade a 94), an 87 on my Zoology test (highest grade was a 95.5, next highest were 82 and 81), get a 95 on my American Government test, and write a perfect paper for Dr. English, who is notorious for only giving out maybe one or two perfect scores the whole semester.
And it isn't so much the fact that I "didn't do good enough" by not having the highest grades, but more so I have a challenger to my "win" status that keeps me on my academic toes and pushing harder and harder.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Pulse of Life
What a beautiful day today. Woke up, took a shower, made myself pretty, got some yoghurt and some granola and was off to computer science. Pleasant class discussing the ethics of computing. I drew.
Then Biology 102 was apparently cancelled, so I read outside the library and sipped some coffee. Then half of Government was wasted waiting for a computer for the teacher, so I discussed my old Women's Studies professor with some of her new students. Learned some tricks for Excel and Word from Pr. Q (who is not to be addressed a 'the great Q-man'). Met Wes for lunch, joked, then read an essay on the Black Plague for my English paper. It focused on how it wasn't the disease so much as the abandonment and loss of future people felt from the extreme death that the disease caused. How "Charity was Dead".
So I was going off to Engish class, but needed to pee. Found a girl sitting on the bathroom floor.
Those floors are nasty, so I figured she wasn't just waiting, so I looked closer.
Pallor, sweating, shallow breaths, abdominal pain around the uterus. I asked her if she was okay, and she said 'oh yeah, I'm fine'. So I knelt down and asked her again, because she didn't look okay. She admitted she left her test to go throw up because her cramps were that bad.
Got a quick history (ever happen before? What you eat? How long?), got her to lay down to rest on her bookbag, got compresses of paper towels for her abdomen and forehead/back of neck (warm and cool, respectively). Brought her fever down, got her calm, eased the pain some. She was feeling weak and couldn't stand up for us.
Well, us, because one of the professors (Dr. Zoology Lab) walked in and helped as well. Called Health Services, who were so busy with people in their office who had the flu that it took a while, but eventually they sent a nurse. Who then checked her blood pressure (98/66 with a bpm of 70, normal range, kinda low blood pressure but she was laying down) and glucose levels and found her to be normal. Called the EMS anyway, who put her on a stretcher and took her to the ER.
I got to ride in the front, then we waited in the waiting room since she got better. Was able to walk now, whereas before she couldn't even stand up. I got her to talk to me, tell me about herself, so she calmed down and all her symptoms went away. Her parents showed up and she walked out against medical advice.
I'm going to call her later, or at least knock on her door since she's on my floor, to check on her.
But I had to miss English. Dr. Zoology Lab did do as I asked though and told Dr. English where I was going and why I wasn't going to be in class. I emailed Dr. E later, clarifying that he did get the message and all, and he said, "Good job vanquishing Evil today!"
I'm not sure what evil I vanquished, but at least I did a good job at it.
I certainly do have a topic to add into my English paper though. Though I'm quite sure she didn't have the plague, still applies.
Then Biology 102 was apparently cancelled, so I read outside the library and sipped some coffee. Then half of Government was wasted waiting for a computer for the teacher, so I discussed my old Women's Studies professor with some of her new students. Learned some tricks for Excel and Word from Pr. Q (who is not to be addressed a 'the great Q-man'). Met Wes for lunch, joked, then read an essay on the Black Plague for my English paper. It focused on how it wasn't the disease so much as the abandonment and loss of future people felt from the extreme death that the disease caused. How "Charity was Dead".
So I was going off to Engish class, but needed to pee. Found a girl sitting on the bathroom floor.
Those floors are nasty, so I figured she wasn't just waiting, so I looked closer.
Pallor, sweating, shallow breaths, abdominal pain around the uterus. I asked her if she was okay, and she said 'oh yeah, I'm fine'. So I knelt down and asked her again, because she didn't look okay. She admitted she left her test to go throw up because her cramps were that bad.
Got a quick history (ever happen before? What you eat? How long?), got her to lay down to rest on her bookbag, got compresses of paper towels for her abdomen and forehead/back of neck (warm and cool, respectively). Brought her fever down, got her calm, eased the pain some. She was feeling weak and couldn't stand up for us.
Well, us, because one of the professors (Dr. Zoology Lab) walked in and helped as well. Called Health Services, who were so busy with people in their office who had the flu that it took a while, but eventually they sent a nurse. Who then checked her blood pressure (98/66 with a bpm of 70, normal range, kinda low blood pressure but she was laying down) and glucose levels and found her to be normal. Called the EMS anyway, who put her on a stretcher and took her to the ER.
I got to ride in the front, then we waited in the waiting room since she got better. Was able to walk now, whereas before she couldn't even stand up. I got her to talk to me, tell me about herself, so she calmed down and all her symptoms went away. Her parents showed up and she walked out against medical advice.
I'm going to call her later, or at least knock on her door since she's on my floor, to check on her.
But I had to miss English. Dr. Zoology Lab did do as I asked though and told Dr. English where I was going and why I wasn't going to be in class. I emailed Dr. E later, clarifying that he did get the message and all, and he said, "Good job vanquishing Evil today!"
I'm not sure what evil I vanquished, but at least I did a good job at it.
I certainly do have a topic to add into my English paper though. Though I'm quite sure she didn't have the plague, still applies.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Waffles
So, the waffle machine in the cafeteria is my enemy.
Every day I go in for breakfast, swearing that I will have a waffle and some hot chocolate.
So I stare at it, and can't figure out how to work the damn thing without making a fool of myself.
But screw pride.
Tomorrow?
I'm making waffles.
Every day I go in for breakfast, swearing that I will have a waffle and some hot chocolate.
So I stare at it, and can't figure out how to work the damn thing without making a fool of myself.
But screw pride.
Tomorrow?
I'm making waffles.
Curiosity did what to the cat now?
I felt smart today in Microbiology.
We were discussing isotonic/hypotonic/hypertonic solutions, and Herr Professor asked what would happen to a red blood cell if it was placed in distilled water. People say nothing. Then they said it would shrivel. In my head, first thing he said it, I said it would swell with water and probably explode. Got it right.
Then he asked what solution would be necessary to have a RBC be in an isotonic solution. People eventually say, "Um, one with salt?"
"How much?"
"...90%?"
He laughed. A nursing student piped up "...9%?"
"It will explode"
After a few more seconds, I speak up from the back, "0.9% Saline Solution"
"Ah. Good! Finally! What salt?"
"Any non-toxic, preferably sodium chloride"
"Why?"
"....It's cheap."
And I was right x3<3
We were discussing isotonic/hypotonic/hypertonic solutions, and Herr Professor asked what would happen to a red blood cell if it was placed in distilled water. People say nothing. Then they said it would shrivel. In my head, first thing he said it, I said it would swell with water and probably explode. Got it right.
Then he asked what solution would be necessary to have a RBC be in an isotonic solution. People eventually say, "Um, one with salt?"
"How much?"
"...90%?"
He laughed. A nursing student piped up "...9%?"
"It will explode"
After a few more seconds, I speak up from the back, "0.9% Saline Solution"
"Ah. Good! Finally! What salt?"
"Any non-toxic, preferably sodium chloride"
"Why?"
"....It's cheap."
And I was right x3<3
I don't get it
So my UTI symptoms had greatly subsided since I drank that diluted cranberry juice, right? Cranberry juice + increased fluids = miraculous recovery, right?
Wrong. I was confused-bacteria don't just get flushed out like that.
I had discharge, not from my girly-bits, but from my urinary bits. I had two discharges at the same time, one normal girly stuff, the other not so normal, definitely not girly. I was confused.
There is no discharge without infection.
There is no infection without microbes.
There is no microbe colony happily living in my urinary tract.
Urine is sterile.
So I told them about the pain I had been having, they dismissed it as mittelschmerz (pain from release of egg, I had it), but were confused as much as I was when they did an exam and found no sign of infection, no...nothing. That's what I had told them-there's nothing there. It's just when you put pressure on this one area, that feels like it's been depressed. Imagine hitting a pothole in your skin on your arm, and it feels like there's a hole under your skin.
Nurse practitioner said that if the pain continues, go see my family doctor, because she simply could not find anything other than a strange growth around the meatus (just a skin flap, lovely image there), which may or may not be normal, but is not for concern.
I just don't get it.
Wrong. I was confused-bacteria don't just get flushed out like that.
I had discharge, not from my girly-bits, but from my urinary bits. I had two discharges at the same time, one normal girly stuff, the other not so normal, definitely not girly. I was confused.
There is no discharge without infection.
There is no infection without microbes.
There is no microbe colony happily living in my urinary tract.
Urine is sterile.
So I told them about the pain I had been having, they dismissed it as mittelschmerz (pain from release of egg, I had it), but were confused as much as I was when they did an exam and found no sign of infection, no...nothing. That's what I had told them-there's nothing there. It's just when you put pressure on this one area, that feels like it's been depressed. Imagine hitting a pothole in your skin on your arm, and it feels like there's a hole under your skin.
Nurse practitioner said that if the pain continues, go see my family doctor, because she simply could not find anything other than a strange growth around the meatus (just a skin flap, lovely image there), which may or may not be normal, but is not for concern.
I just don't get it.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
She never touches ground
Updates:
-Urinary tract infections are not fun. Working with them is worse.
-Finally got my uniform from Publix.
-Still no cashier training.
-Re-turned in W-4's, hopefully get my money soon
-Need to fill out FAFSA
-Need to file taxes at some point
-Apartment for next school year?
-New phone
-Nightmares.
On the way home Friday night I was very upset, mostly because of what Dad said. He said that he thought it was kind of silly for me to see the therapist, because more than likely my nightmares are caused by my overactive imagination, overreactive, obsessive personality, and my negative attitude that almost seems to invite torment, hoping sympathy will follow.
Of course he said it in not such nice terms. At one point he didn't continue what he was going to say, because he caught himself and realized how hurtful and insulting it would sound, but I knew what he meant.
He said that I only really wanted to go to the polysomnograph people because I'm curious and interested in that kind of stuff. I've always been curious. Why? Why? Why?
Said if I just stopped thinking about the nightmares, didnt' record them, didnt' think about them, didn't completely obsess over them, they'd go away.
Yeah, tried that too, Dad. It lasted a week. They come back. They always do.
On a happier note, my roommate and I have agreed that, should I get a sewing machine and/or access to one, she'll design the aprons and other items we want to sell, picking out the fabric and trim and what not, and I'll make them. Then we sell them at the flea market. I have a bunch of fabric already. I still need to make my little brother's Star Wars sleeping pants or Kimono-esque bathrobe (whenever he decides to stop growing taller than me ;_; ), and Wes's boxers. And of course, I need to do it by hand. And finish knitting my grandmother's scarf.
-Urinary tract infections are not fun. Working with them is worse.
-Finally got my uniform from Publix.
-Still no cashier training.
-Re-turned in W-4's, hopefully get my money soon
-Need to fill out FAFSA
-Need to file taxes at some point
-Apartment for next school year?
-New phone
-Nightmares.
On the way home Friday night I was very upset, mostly because of what Dad said. He said that he thought it was kind of silly for me to see the therapist, because more than likely my nightmares are caused by my overactive imagination, overreactive, obsessive personality, and my negative attitude that almost seems to invite torment, hoping sympathy will follow.
Of course he said it in not such nice terms. At one point he didn't continue what he was going to say, because he caught himself and realized how hurtful and insulting it would sound, but I knew what he meant.
He said that I only really wanted to go to the polysomnograph people because I'm curious and interested in that kind of stuff. I've always been curious. Why? Why? Why?
Said if I just stopped thinking about the nightmares, didnt' record them, didnt' think about them, didn't completely obsess over them, they'd go away.
Yeah, tried that too, Dad. It lasted a week. They come back. They always do.
On a happier note, my roommate and I have agreed that, should I get a sewing machine and/or access to one, she'll design the aprons and other items we want to sell, picking out the fabric and trim and what not, and I'll make them. Then we sell them at the flea market. I have a bunch of fabric already. I still need to make my little brother's Star Wars sleeping pants or Kimono-esque bathrobe (whenever he decides to stop growing taller than me ;_; ), and Wes's boxers. And of course, I need to do it by hand. And finish knitting my grandmother's scarf.
"See No Evil" -Enchant
Heard enough for today
Guess I'll turn and walk away
A leaf that's turned golden brown
The slightest breeze will bring me down
In safety mode system overload
My soul is moved with just disdain
But it's not my job to bring a change
Is it all by design
Or have we gone astray
Didn't we miss a sign
'Cause this can't be the way
Cynicism's a disease
No one's got it worse than me
Even if I raise my voice
It's just gets lost in all the noise
Are we over the line
Or was it ever there
Maybe I should resign
To convince myself to care
Can you feel
(Or are you paralyzed?)
Can it heal
(Or will it spread to our eyes?)
Are we blind
(Or do we choose each day)
To see no evil
(To look the other way?)
A generation born to bleed
On the jagged edge of apathy
And to stand aside and criticize
Is the extent of my expertise
After all that we've seen
You'd think we'd want turnaround
Instead we take each brush with fate
And use it to paint the town
Guess I'll turn and walk away
A leaf that's turned golden brown
The slightest breeze will bring me down
In safety mode system overload
My soul is moved with just disdain
But it's not my job to bring a change
Is it all by design
Or have we gone astray
Didn't we miss a sign
'Cause this can't be the way
Cynicism's a disease
No one's got it worse than me
Even if I raise my voice
It's just gets lost in all the noise
Are we over the line
Or was it ever there
Maybe I should resign
To convince myself to care
Can you feel
(Or are you paralyzed?)
Can it heal
(Or will it spread to our eyes?)
Are we blind
(Or do we choose each day)
To see no evil
(To look the other way?)
A generation born to bleed
On the jagged edge of apathy
And to stand aside and criticize
Is the extent of my expertise
After all that we've seen
You'd think we'd want turnaround
Instead we take each brush with fate
And use it to paint the town
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Ordinary Vanity
So school is going well. Checked in on my microbiology lab and so far no more growth and my dots look like everyone elses dots, but once we stain them we'll see some difference. I hope. Otherwise that means I got E. Coli and Staph growing all up in my mouth. Talked to the Pr. and she said that since I'm so enthusiastic and interested and from what she can see fairly bright, I should talk to Dr. Turner about becoming his lab assistant, paid or unpaid. Paid, yay, skills and money. Unpaid, yay skills and experience to be considred for paid position. So we'll see how that goes.
Went back to my work and they don't seem so upset I left "early" last Sunday (they schedled me for 6 when they said me my shift was until 5). I did have their permission though, but I was ticked they never gave me that cashier training. But tommorrow, I work 7:30 to 3:30, and Sunday mornings are always slow until 11 or so, so maybe I can run the slow shift. Work with Ms. Bonnie and have her train me, since we only have one till open. #242, woo hoo!
Got some coffee after school yesterday and sat down next to a classmate from computers. He hadn't said but 5 words all 3 class periods and had such a rigid, stiff posture and look to him. I sat down, watched him for 30 minutes, then got him some coffee and got him to open up for the next 3 hours. I love psychology :D
Spoke to coworker #1-Nathan (not the amputee coworker#2-Nathan) after work today, invited him to go get coffee with me after work tommorrow. Hopefully that will go well. Not a date, just a chance to talk to him and get to know him better. I hope he doesn't view it as a date. I like the guy, but only a standoffish crush. I don't know anything more about him except that he used to be a stockclerk, now works in Dairy, and his name is Nathan. So I have very little to base feelings on except he's always nice to me. But he's nice to everyone, and everyone loves Nathan.
I seriously expected him to reject me though. Was giddy as a schoolgirl when he said yes. x3
Went back to my work and they don't seem so upset I left "early" last Sunday (they schedled me for 6 when they said me my shift was until 5). I did have their permission though, but I was ticked they never gave me that cashier training. But tommorrow, I work 7:30 to 3:30, and Sunday mornings are always slow until 11 or so, so maybe I can run the slow shift. Work with Ms. Bonnie and have her train me, since we only have one till open. #242, woo hoo!
Got some coffee after school yesterday and sat down next to a classmate from computers. He hadn't said but 5 words all 3 class periods and had such a rigid, stiff posture and look to him. I sat down, watched him for 30 minutes, then got him some coffee and got him to open up for the next 3 hours. I love psychology :D
Spoke to coworker #1-Nathan (not the amputee coworker#2-Nathan) after work today, invited him to go get coffee with me after work tommorrow. Hopefully that will go well. Not a date, just a chance to talk to him and get to know him better. I hope he doesn't view it as a date. I like the guy, but only a standoffish crush. I don't know anything more about him except that he used to be a stockclerk, now works in Dairy, and his name is Nathan. So I have very little to base feelings on except he's always nice to me. But he's nice to everyone, and everyone loves Nathan.
I seriously expected him to reject me though. Was giddy as a schoolgirl when he said yes. x3
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Nerdy Cat is Nerdy
So I'm back to school now. Unpacked, back with roomies, are are as awesome as I remember them.
I normally wake up at 6:30, at the cafeteria for food by 7:30 (and shivering like sin from the OMG cold).
Monday/Wednesday/Friday:
8-8:50 am: CSC 138, Basic Computer Science. Internets, Word, Excel, Powerpoint, etc.
I start out in the Hodge building, which is about as far from the dorms as you can get.
Then I sneak behind a couple buildings, down a really steep, usually frosted hill, across a creek in the woods, then up a steep hill to the Annexes for my next class.
9-9:50 am: Bio 102, Zoology. Love Dr. Connors, omg *heart*
He remembered me, and even saw me reading some bulletins outside his office.
"What you doing Ms. Maier? Looking for trouble?"
"Oh yessir, always."
"You know if you go looking for trouble, you'll often find it..."
"...well I did find you :P"
"See? You're going to find trouble soon enough." And he just laughed. Love that professor, so awesome, so enjoyable to listen and talk to.
Then back all the way over the river and through the woods to last class.
10-10:50: Gov 201, American Government.
Feels like a high school class. Take notes off the overheard, teacher lectures, read the text, not very interesting. I'm always tired as hell by now.
2-3:15 Eng 102, Composition and Literature. Love Dr. Caster. So fun. We spent 30 minutes joking about how dolphins are optimistic and always smiling at you. He doesn't want us to read poetry or prose or anything like that, but more so how people communicate ideas and make their arguments. Now THAT'S what I want to learn. Only have this class Monday and Wednesday though.
Tuesday:
8-9:15 Bio 330: Microbiology. So far so good. Dr. Turner is interesting, and there's a lot of cool nursing majors to talk to in there.
9:25-12:05 Bio 330 Lab
I like Pr. Ferris. She's awesome. Ended up staying late to finish the lab, just because I was having so much fun looking at the critters in the pond water. I was chasing down a water flea that I wanted to get a closer look at, but my sample ended up drying, killing him, fulfilling my desire to rid the earth of non-essential parasites. Then I found some "Protoslow", which slows down protozoans with a glucose solution that has a higher viscosity than water and so makes it harder for them to swim.
I remember yelling at the buggers at the end of lab, "Hah! Not so fast now, are you?!"
Pr. Ferris was cleaning and looked to me, "Excuse me?"
"The lil protozoans! They think they're so fast, but put them on sugar and they react opposite kids." She just laughed.
We also did some swabs that we put on agar. Everyone did things that people touch, like buttons or faucets or handles. I asked if I could swab my mouth, more specifically my cheek sides, since the q-tip was sterile. She said yes. I wonder what I'll get different?
Thursday:
Microbiology at 8 again, but don't have lab until 1:30-4:30ish for Biology 102. Basically dissection. Fun stuff. I don't want to cut rats. I like rats D:
I'm out almost $300 by the bookstore. Just simply couldn't get my books online for cheaper or fast enough. :(
I got a new labcoat though, for microbiology. I really need to hem the sleeves, or at least pull them back, but their smallest size was so huge on me. Definitely not the "hot nerdy geek" look I was going for. You know, since I totally need to make a good impression on the protozoans.
Overall, I'm tired by 3 oclock. I take a nap until 5 or 6, then I go eat. I just need to get into the routine of going to bed around...now, and then get used to waking up early.
The nightmares aren't helping though.
I normally wake up at 6:30, at the cafeteria for food by 7:30 (and shivering like sin from the OMG cold).
Monday/Wednesday/Friday:
8-8:50 am: CSC 138, Basic Computer Science. Internets, Word, Excel, Powerpoint, etc.
I start out in the Hodge building, which is about as far from the dorms as you can get.
Then I sneak behind a couple buildings, down a really steep, usually frosted hill, across a creek in the woods, then up a steep hill to the Annexes for my next class.
9-9:50 am: Bio 102, Zoology. Love Dr. Connors, omg *heart*
He remembered me, and even saw me reading some bulletins outside his office.
"What you doing Ms. Maier? Looking for trouble?"
"Oh yessir, always."
"You know if you go looking for trouble, you'll often find it..."
"...well I did find you :P"
"See? You're going to find trouble soon enough." And he just laughed. Love that professor, so awesome, so enjoyable to listen and talk to.
Then back all the way over the river and through the woods to last class.
10-10:50: Gov 201, American Government.
Feels like a high school class. Take notes off the overheard, teacher lectures, read the text, not very interesting. I'm always tired as hell by now.
2-3:15 Eng 102, Composition and Literature. Love Dr. Caster. So fun. We spent 30 minutes joking about how dolphins are optimistic and always smiling at you. He doesn't want us to read poetry or prose or anything like that, but more so how people communicate ideas and make their arguments. Now THAT'S what I want to learn. Only have this class Monday and Wednesday though.
Tuesday:
8-9:15 Bio 330: Microbiology. So far so good. Dr. Turner is interesting, and there's a lot of cool nursing majors to talk to in there.
9:25-12:05 Bio 330 Lab
I like Pr. Ferris. She's awesome. Ended up staying late to finish the lab, just because I was having so much fun looking at the critters in the pond water. I was chasing down a water flea that I wanted to get a closer look at, but my sample ended up drying, killing him, fulfilling my desire to rid the earth of non-essential parasites. Then I found some "Protoslow", which slows down protozoans with a glucose solution that has a higher viscosity than water and so makes it harder for them to swim.
I remember yelling at the buggers at the end of lab, "Hah! Not so fast now, are you?!"
Pr. Ferris was cleaning and looked to me, "Excuse me?"
"The lil protozoans! They think they're so fast, but put them on sugar and they react opposite kids." She just laughed.
We also did some swabs that we put on agar. Everyone did things that people touch, like buttons or faucets or handles. I asked if I could swab my mouth, more specifically my cheek sides, since the q-tip was sterile. She said yes. I wonder what I'll get different?
Thursday:
Microbiology at 8 again, but don't have lab until 1:30-4:30ish for Biology 102. Basically dissection. Fun stuff. I don't want to cut rats. I like rats D:
I'm out almost $300 by the bookstore. Just simply couldn't get my books online for cheaper or fast enough. :(
I got a new labcoat though, for microbiology. I really need to hem the sleeves, or at least pull them back, but their smallest size was so huge on me. Definitely not the "hot nerdy geek" look I was going for. You know, since I totally need to make a good impression on the protozoans.
Overall, I'm tired by 3 oclock. I take a nap until 5 or 6, then I go eat. I just need to get into the routine of going to bed around...now, and then get used to waking up early.
The nightmares aren't helping though.
Feint
So maybe I won't move up in the world of business.
Saturday I went in, got that training, woo hoo. Malicia told me I'd be out by 5 the next day. I asked her twice, even asked Chad twice, and Tomas once. I guess I should've gotten it in writing.
When I first got in, asked Tomas to give me the hands-on cashier training. He said okay, if we got slow. I worked 12:30-3:54, went to Chad, asked him if I could have a 5 minute breather, because I was exhausted, we were so busy. He said I just got off break, why did I need another?"
"I don't have a break, I get off at 5."
"You were supposed to go on break at 3 and get off work at 6."
"...Since when? Let me see that!"
And he was right, they had me breaking at 3-3:30 and off at 6. I was upset. Still hadn't gotten that cashier training. So I asked him if I could leave at 5 anyway, I needed to get to college, and I didn't appreciate being told one thing then having it changed one me without warning.
Tomas wasn't too happy that I left early, and Chad was on the phone with him BEGGING him to talk to me.
"Do you want to talk to her? Say yes. Please say yes."
He made me go on break from 4-4:30, in anticipation of me being there until 6, but Tomas said I could leave at 5:11.
Dad questioned my judgement, saying that not only was I out $6 by doing that, I pissed off the boss, and may not get that cashier training. Well it didn't look like I was going to get it, again, anyway, and I had already planned for missing out on that $6.
And if they're going to look at the one time I asked to go home early, at the time they had said I could go home, and overlook the fact that I've stayed late for them several times and literally clean shit for them, they can just...goddammit. You can't tell your boss to get bent when you need the job. I just hate feeling like a dumb, ugly, short, useless, underpaid, undertrained, "go clean the explosive diarrhea off the seats, the piss in front of the urinal, and the puke all over the floor" bagger.
Saturday I went in, got that training, woo hoo. Malicia told me I'd be out by 5 the next day. I asked her twice, even asked Chad twice, and Tomas once. I guess I should've gotten it in writing.
When I first got in, asked Tomas to give me the hands-on cashier training. He said okay, if we got slow. I worked 12:30-3:54, went to Chad, asked him if I could have a 5 minute breather, because I was exhausted, we were so busy. He said I just got off break, why did I need another?"
"I don't have a break, I get off at 5."
"You were supposed to go on break at 3 and get off work at 6."
"...Since when? Let me see that!"
And he was right, they had me breaking at 3-3:30 and off at 6. I was upset. Still hadn't gotten that cashier training. So I asked him if I could leave at 5 anyway, I needed to get to college, and I didn't appreciate being told one thing then having it changed one me without warning.
Tomas wasn't too happy that I left early, and Chad was on the phone with him BEGGING him to talk to me.
"Do you want to talk to her? Say yes. Please say yes."
He made me go on break from 4-4:30, in anticipation of me being there until 6, but Tomas said I could leave at 5:11.
Dad questioned my judgement, saying that not only was I out $6 by doing that, I pissed off the boss, and may not get that cashier training. Well it didn't look like I was going to get it, again, anyway, and I had already planned for missing out on that $6.
And if they're going to look at the one time I asked to go home early, at the time they had said I could go home, and overlook the fact that I've stayed late for them several times and literally clean shit for them, they can just...goddammit. You can't tell your boss to get bent when you need the job. I just hate feeling like a dumb, ugly, short, useless, underpaid, undertrained, "go clean the explosive diarrhea off the seats, the piss in front of the urinal, and the puke all over the floor" bagger.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Baa Baa Black Sheep
So I've almost moved up in the world today. At work, I was supposed to get off at 6:30, but I was so disappointed all day that they hadn't scheduled me for cashier training like they promised, like I had bugged them the whole week about, that I went to the head customer service manager and asked them one last time, *when*?
Malicia apologized, said that if I had time, she'd put me on the tutorial right then.
So I've been on the tutorial for cashier, and hopefully tommorrow if we get some downtime they'll give me my own till and train me.
Then after a month or so they'll consider making me a full time cashier with the pay increase. I also put in my W-4's, so I should be getting the full amount. I'm also putting stuff into my 401k though, so it should all even out.
I just feel like I'm not moving up farther. Woo hoo, now I'm on par with the 16 year old cashier who started out at that job.
Make me feel like unskilled shit.
Malicia apologized, said that if I had time, she'd put me on the tutorial right then.
So I've been on the tutorial for cashier, and hopefully tommorrow if we get some downtime they'll give me my own till and train me.
Then after a month or so they'll consider making me a full time cashier with the pay increase. I also put in my W-4's, so I should be getting the full amount. I'm also putting stuff into my 401k though, so it should all even out.
I just feel like I'm not moving up farther. Woo hoo, now I'm on par with the 16 year old cashier who started out at that job.
Make me feel like unskilled shit.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Silent Heaven
So I've been working a lot lately, at the grocery store. Bagging groceries for everyone. My old manager, that I worked for over the summer, was fired while I was at school so I have a new manager now. Very nice guy. Agreed to train mas a cashier next weekend and they're going to let me work every weekend.
With that money I'll have enough to get a car AND go visit Ferret.
Long hours though. If they were more spread out I'd be fine, but we're talking 6-8 hours bagging. Tommorrow I work 9 hours to cover for a co-worker whose baby is terribly sick. I'm not complaining too much. Hours means money, but it also means tired and pain. That's work though.
Had 14 hours the first week, got me about $90. Got almost 35 hours the next week so that will get me around $200. This week I have almost 28 hours so another $160ish. I've spent almost $100 in the last few weeks, plus whatever I spent for Christmas, so I could use the money.
I've been thinking though, back to that week I house-sat in the summer. I was so happy. I didn't see any friends, but that didn't bother me so much.
I was on my own. I bought my own food, prepared it myself, made it to my liking. I biked to work on my own, and knew that my job would feed me and the kitten that I was watching (further known as "my kitten", because it still is in my head. I loved it. It cried and clung to me when I gave it back to it's legal owner).
I would prance around at work and tell my co-workers that I got to go home to see my kitten, and I'd buy the kitten a little soft meal entree whenever I bought a special meal for myself. I'd take home balloons and random toys and boxes my work let me have. It didn't need fancy toys.
Its favorite toy were these shrimp crackers Eli gave me. After supper and we were both fat and happy and lazy, we'd lay on my bed and watch TV or whatever. The kitten would curl up next to me and purr, and we'd play and relax.
That kitten loved me and I loved kitten. Lil' happy Boots cat. The first night I had him I had to keep him in the bathroom, so I made him a bed out of a shoe box and a towel and slept in there on the floor next to the cat. I woke up to him sneaking over to sleep next to me, but me waking me scared him back to his bed. After that though, he'd just sleep next to me. Happy little thing.
I have to take care of things. That's why I had fish at college. When those died? I started taking care of my roommates. I do this. I have to care for things, even if they're just plushies.
I was so happy though. Biking everywhere I needed to go. Buying my own food. Running my own house. Coming home to that cat.
I want to live like that again.
With that money I'll have enough to get a car AND go visit Ferret.
Long hours though. If they were more spread out I'd be fine, but we're talking 6-8 hours bagging. Tommorrow I work 9 hours to cover for a co-worker whose baby is terribly sick. I'm not complaining too much. Hours means money, but it also means tired and pain. That's work though.
Had 14 hours the first week, got me about $90. Got almost 35 hours the next week so that will get me around $200. This week I have almost 28 hours so another $160ish. I've spent almost $100 in the last few weeks, plus whatever I spent for Christmas, so I could use the money.
I've been thinking though, back to that week I house-sat in the summer. I was so happy. I didn't see any friends, but that didn't bother me so much.
I was on my own. I bought my own food, prepared it myself, made it to my liking. I biked to work on my own, and knew that my job would feed me and the kitten that I was watching (further known as "my kitten", because it still is in my head. I loved it. It cried and clung to me when I gave it back to it's legal owner).
I would prance around at work and tell my co-workers that I got to go home to see my kitten, and I'd buy the kitten a little soft meal entree whenever I bought a special meal for myself. I'd take home balloons and random toys and boxes my work let me have. It didn't need fancy toys.
Its favorite toy were these shrimp crackers Eli gave me. After supper and we were both fat and happy and lazy, we'd lay on my bed and watch TV or whatever. The kitten would curl up next to me and purr, and we'd play and relax.
That kitten loved me and I loved kitten. Lil' happy Boots cat. The first night I had him I had to keep him in the bathroom, so I made him a bed out of a shoe box and a towel and slept in there on the floor next to the cat. I woke up to him sneaking over to sleep next to me, but me waking me scared him back to his bed. After that though, he'd just sleep next to me. Happy little thing.
I have to take care of things. That's why I had fish at college. When those died? I started taking care of my roommates. I do this. I have to care for things, even if they're just plushies.
I was so happy though. Biking everywhere I needed to go. Buying my own food. Running my own house. Coming home to that cat.
I want to live like that again.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Chaos Theory
My twitches have increased dramatically. This is contrary to my theory that I only really got twitches during the school year because I leaned heavily on my right arm/shoulder/whatever to write for school, or just pay attention, which put a lot of strain on my right shoulder/neck.
I haven't leaned on anything in over a month, yet my twitches are exacerbated by stress, as obviously seen by how I was twitched quite literally every 30 seconds to a minute tonight.
I want to lay down, but the oneirophobia is back, and I'm a coward.
I haven't leaned on anything in over a month, yet my twitches are exacerbated by stress, as obviously seen by how I was twitched quite literally every 30 seconds to a minute tonight.
I want to lay down, but the oneirophobia is back, and I'm a coward.
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